Say It With Text Messages

It takes all sorts to fill up your inbox, you shrug as you delete unwanted messages at the end of the day. There’s a man for all seasons and a message for every reason.

The Public Announcer: We are pleased to announce that all communication by this person is a series of pompous, self-important Public Relations Public Announcements. 

The Newsmaker: makes sure you will Be the First to Know the news as it happens, when it happens, or perhaps even before it happens.

The Advertisement Spammer: is in league with the Devil. No amount of blocking, reporting and threatening replies can exorcise this fiend.

The Texter: This person just msgd 2 ask how u r n if ur fine then it’s k cos they lyk 2 keep it short, sharp, sweet.

The Memer: Because why say it with plain words when you can say it so eloquently with Words on Pics. The Wop-er obviously did not read books that didn’t have 4/4 colour pictures.

The Emoticoner: Can’t talk/won’t talk? Saved by the emoticon. A smiley face/wink/thumbs up will safely pass off as appropriate reply to your messages. ;) :P (Y).

The Package Messager: You realise what happens when talk becomes cheap via message packages and free messaging: this person sends in messages faster than you can delete them.

The Chainmailer: Sends you scores of jokes and messages about random deals, medical breakthroughs, doomsday warnings related to technology and global warming alerts already sent to you by scores of other chainmailers. Forward them all and you may win the lottery or save lives in isolated deserts. Ignore them and they won’t go away.

The Evangelist: This person has collected tickets to heaven and is passing some to you to save you from the pit of hell where you are currently entrenched. Repent and mend your ways. Follow his way, the right way. And don’t let Satan stop you from passing on the Light to the rest of the world.

The Social Activist: Urges you to listen to your conscience and fight for the rights of baby turtles, Monsanto haters, whistleblowers and underdogs, and attend all related protests, vigils and fundraisers.

The Friend in Need: This person takes it up seamlessly after a gap of two years if there is something you can do for her. ‘Hi, what’s up? Btw, do you know of any good babysitter? I need one urgently. See you sometime.’ Sometime not so soon.

The Virtual Friend: This person sends pour-heart-out soulmate confidante messages in your inbox but drops connection in public for no obvious reason.

The No Credit-er: Wants you to call her because doesn’t want to waste her money talking to you. ‘Hey, can you call me?’

‘Can you call me?’

‘Call?’

No.

The Needy: Right after you’re done talking to this person, you get a message from her. ‘So…what’s up?’ And right after you reply, you get another call: ‘So…what’s up?’

And of course there’s that special person who messages you just when you’re thinking about them and makes you smile that smile. Those messages you do not delete.